Recovering Lazyholic

Photography & Stuff by Erin Hanson

santa vs. jesus

Erin Hanson2 Comments

It's that time of year. Christmas is upon us and I find myself wondering what the holiday really means to me. Honestly, in my world, it can be reduced to a few simple ideas and activities, many of which are rooted in my childhood. I like the weather, the colorful lights, spending time with family and friends, and getting a tree. Done. For many (most) others it goes a little deeper, whether grounded in religion or the consumerism of it all. Being fairly unbiased (yes, I pleaded to Santa's cyber-ears just yesterday... ignore) I decided to pit beard against beard and see who comes out ahead.

1. He's Jesus. I went with my gut.

2. I have to be fair. This would have been a draw if not for the photo I decided to use. A Mexican werewolf man named Jesus can't play this game. Now if it was a beard contest, one word... landslide.

3. Again, the examples swayed me a bit. Santa looks a bit tired (read: messed up) and Jesus a little sad, plus only winners are surrounded by montages.

4. The son of God. Good genes. Santa's job demands he carry one giant bag of toys that serves the world's children. BUT Jesus carries a little more... and he doesn't get to take a 364 day vacation.

5. Jesus has his bros with him. Quantity over quality.

6. Jolly St. Nick. I seem to recall Jesus faced a few personal challenges, one of which may have created a little animosity.

7. Jesus- isn't he kind of a zombie? Exception... people eat him, he doesn't eat people.

8. Jesus is "everywhere". Santa gets out once a year. A little out of touch.

9. This was tough. Never saw Passion of the Christ. Vaguely remember Last Temptation of Christ and love Willem Dafoe. The only other thing I could think of was Jesus Christ Super Star, and well... not a contender. Movie Santas over the years don't do much for me either, but 'ole Billy Bob garnered the win for his unmatchable crude awesomeness.

10. Elves edge out the Apostles because they are crafty and fun loving.

11. Lady Claus has stuck with her man for quite a while, through overexposure and then long business trips away. It's a hectic life. She shows her adoration by dressing just like him. If that's not love, what is... what is.

12. WWJD; concise, appropriate, and so easy to text or IM. Bonus, ho ho ho is only open to negative reinterpretation whereas the former, sky's the limit. Even if you're not working the slogan for Jesus, he's letting it work for you.

13. Jesus has Iron Man written all over him.

14. Crown of thorns. No thanks. Fake fur and felt. Yes please.

15. It's like choosing between salt and sugar. There is no right answer.

16. Santa peddles Coke in his. Enough said.

This list is potentially endless, but I had to draw the line somewhere. For this particular evaluation, Jesus-9; Santa-6; 1 Draw. Pop the champagne for Christ! What this means for Christmas... nothing really. It is what it is to you. However keep in mind that if you're looking for a workout buddy, choose religion. For a few laughs with a semi-lazy, but big hearted lug, choose Mr. Claus.