Recovering Lazyholic

Photography & Stuff by Erin Hanson

convenience store hunt

DoErin HansonComment

A few months back I proposed a little game to my friends. Take $25 to the convenience store closest to their house and buy some items following a provided list. I have long been amazed by and indebted to various neighborhood mini-marts. They have everything I could ever want, almost nothing I truly need (aside from the inevitable toilet paper emergencies), and are home to scores of miscellaneous treasures. Well, after much delay I FINALLY put the results together.

Behold finds from South Lamar & Panther (#1), 32nd & Red River (#2), 51st & Manor (#3), and Alamo & Manor (#4). The categories were as follows: "dustiest item", "cheapest toilet paper", "romance", "ugliest sunglasses", "bling", "brand I've never heard of", "item most useful to macgyver", "what's next to the register", and "wild card".

It's a little scary, but not surprising that three out of four are food items. Yummy. I personally can't wait to dig into those Vienna Sausages and test the urban myth that rotten weiners will cause paralysis. I'm not making that up, but I'll admit there's a chance I could be remembering it wrong. My favorite is #3. It's so old the price tag is brown. Now THAT will add some spice to your next meal.

Well one of these things is doing it's own thing. Thanks crazy yellow store for going out on a limb. Unfortunately the touch/feel vote goes to POM though.

See you take #3, then #2, move on to #4 just to be sure, and you're left with good 'ole #1. Congratulations! This convenience store sweep brought love and life into the world.

You know, ugly doesn't seem quite fair. These cheap bad boys rival any expensive pair (minus any pain and suffering that goes with the pricey variety when you lose them). They're the unsung heroes and sacrificial lambs of eyewear. I salute you... especially that snazzy pair bedazzled with snakes.

Bling = "diamond" earrings apparently. Poor Red River is too classy for the rest of us looks like. Their loss. Although I'm pretty sure they sell panties folded up to look like a single rose, so I suppose that whole class thing just went out the window. At any rate, they need to up the shine.

This one was pretty easy. Unless you're a professional shopper/consumer that is. For me it's a toss up between the Sweet Love of a dilapidated douche and a Foohy, Yikes eraser. They're both so very apt.

Welcome to the saddest installment of MacGyver ever. As he's battling ants he'll nail a tie down strap to a compass and circle us to safety in a bungee type motion. We'll all be saved.

What ISN'T next the register, that's the real question. In this case we can behold an apple, a Spanish terror magazine, some incense, and my favorite, a Hot Mama Sassy pickle in an embryonic type bag. I have been waiting months to rip this open and take a bite. I'm sure it will be worth the wait.

Anything goes, and everything fits the bill. Now I can't really appoint myself a winner, but I think you all will agree... a neon green electrolyte beverage for dogs called Rebound in a squished up dusty sports bottle is priceless. This easily could have fallen into several other categories but the sheer insanity of it best qualified it for the Wild Card spot. I gave it to my dogs and they have never been more quenched and refreshed.

And there you have it. I'm not sure which of us is the grand champ but even if I'm not victorious I have an awesome condolence prize in the form of 44 dazzling convenient store trophies (less one very rotten apple), which makes me a winner in my own right.

Thank you Seana, John and John for your help!!!