Recovering Lazyholic

Photography & Stuff by Erin Hanson

bravo bots

Pop CultureErin Hanson2 Comments

I readily admit that as far as the 12 steps go my biggest misstep is attributed to my relationship with the boob tube. It's on a lot. I will say that much of the time (as if this makes it ok) I'm doing other things when it's on. However when I am deliberate in my show selections and paying attention the channel is often tuned in to Bravo. I'm slowly realizing that a prerequisite for getting or hosting your own show must be how many robotic elements you possess, as it appears to me that many a member of the reality show team are a little short on emotion and are one with Styx.

I have created a short list of Bravo personalities. There are two ranking scales-- botiness and heart. My feeling is sometimes, if exhibiting enough compassion, you can balance out your circuits with some love.

Oh, Jackie. You kind of act like you have a stick up your butt, but I attribute a lot of your personality, or lack thereof, to the immobilized forehead and stifled smile. Your tears tell the true story.

King Robot, but the best robot ever. The Tin Man would be jealous. This man cares and has the vocabulary to back it up.

Does playing a stripper grant you the right to host a dance contest show? I guess. This thing called the "i-n-t-e-r-n-e-t" states that she was in Swan Lake as a child. That must be it. Nomi, I mean Elizabeth, gets through her lines with all the art of a medicated newscaster and an equally fatigued emotional pretense.

Bless him, he's a text book jerk with no filter or sense of appropriateness; I truly think he cares but doesn't know how to show it. He's kind of like a 15 yr old robot trapped in a 40 yr old robot, that never learned the words tenderness or subtly.

She's harmless and a little bit devoid of pep or umph, but it seems like she might be sweet. Maybe she has tricked me with her modeling ways. It's all sort of a guess.

Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy. I think he is the guy that

A.I.

was based on, but WAY less endearing. Like not at all. Shallow, a kiss ass, and so unbelievably, painfully rigid and douchey he makes me want to punch the T.V. or break something. When he grins I can hear the gears struggling. I almost feel bad for him. I can relate to shy; I can relate to trying to overcome a painful social situation, BUT he's completely unaware of himself. I sincerely believe he is convinced he's the most successful charming man boy around. HE REALLY IS A ROBOT, I swear it. I graciously give him half a heart for feigning interest in forging a better relationship with his father.

Did I just add to the list of reasons I'm going to hell? I promise, I'm a nice person. I just get riled up by bad robots.